


ode

by blackcurrantjam (glassywater)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen, Love Letters, Other, apologies - freeform, too many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 18:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16455074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassywater/pseuds/blackcurrantjam
Summary: Things unsaid spilling from wet eyes.





	ode

when my father died, i looked to you. with your bright smile and open arms, and open heart, i succumb to the numbness my hands were feeling. i fell into a deep brown pool brimming with teary laughter and things frozen onto the edges of your lips. i’m sticking to you. i’m sticking with you. that’s our loyalty and that’s what it feels like, isn’t it?

to be held and cherished like a real thing. fluttering things in my throat and the scratchy resemblance to old grief, grief i’ve been carrying for years even though it’s been weeks and it’s been months.

February, 5am. i haven’t slept much and the screen is much too bright for the weak attempts of the sun to come into my room. but i am finding you. i am finding that there is a smile hidden away somewhere. hidden inside something that is hidden in me. i am embarrassed at myself. for laughing at an ungodly hour, but you reassure me that it is okay to laugh. i’m tracing my fingertips across the tightness by the corners of your sloped eyes, fresh like a hot spring and like nothing i’ve felt before. i’m still growing accustomed to these feelings like new shoes that don’t quite fit, i’m growing alongside my grief.

i can’t believe you found me. years and years later. you found me and you held me.

i ran through the airport, through the boarding hall. my head spinning, i’m singing as loud as i can. i’m bumping into impatient bodies, twirling like a new marvel and your voice is filling my head. take you home, i’ll take you home.

i can’t cry more than i have, and then i cry some more. surrendering to that feeling and to the brutality of a thrown lifeline. there but no there. awful and not awful. 

the separation i continue to feel is an ugly scar on my chest. a testament to the many ways i am broken.

 

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this for myself, embarrassingly enough. don't quite know why i'm sharing it here since i dislike ao3. but it felt right.


End file.
